I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
how does that bad decision feel?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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