hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think pants incapable of making pants work
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize
