He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
