There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
