last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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