that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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