Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
