I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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