One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
