just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
