and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I smell stomach acid.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You have to summon your inner elephant
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
