ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
