Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
