Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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