So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
