your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
