Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
