I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
