Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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