did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
