Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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