why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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