I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
