mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
