It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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