He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
she peed on how many people?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
