When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
