hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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