you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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