I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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