does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize