im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
