Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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