I could make wine with my vomit
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
