Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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