is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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