I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
