so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
