I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
