I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
