Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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