It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
