i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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