$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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