he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
