Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
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