everyone is single if you try hard enough
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I want to be your penis for a week.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize