I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My life is pants optional.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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