I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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