When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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