the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
