I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
