No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
