Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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