I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
only if we run a train.
done.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
