Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Randomize
