in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize