So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
