my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
