I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
