Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I still have a little drunk in my system
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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