i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
