i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
