question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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