Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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